When my wife finally comes to her senses and decides to leave me, I’ve decided, like the good Assistant Boy Scout Master that I am, to be prepared. I’ve started putting together my personal ad. Since you’ve all been so helpful with my writing in the past, I thought I would post my draft here for your opinions.
Single-male kicked to the curb for obvious reasons seeking like-minded girl with perky trust fund. Someone broken that I can pretend to fix, but will more likely suck my will to live while simultaneously draining my bank account. Head games are a must. Drama is a part of life. Just look at the Greeks, the Romans, that Shakespeare fellow and all those great Bellisario television shows. Drama, drama, drama. I would not like to be “just friends” first and “see where it goes”. Leap before you look, go off half-cocked and always, always, always take the tiger by the tail. Players, scammers, gold-diggers, head-gamers, and of course anyone from the rude, crude, trailer-trash-talking demographics are urged to apply.