Dear Miss First Grade Teacher:
Thank you so much for assigning my son an animal habitat diorama and five-minute presentation. Also, thank you for not giving him any further instruction on what the diorama should include, how he should go about building it, what his presentation should look like, or any other resources so that he can successful.
We greatly appreciate every first grade teacher who has ever sent home this kind of assignment. I want to assure you that this was a ROUSING success. As with past projects, my student was quickly and completely overwhelmed, having been in no way, shape or form prepared for how to build out a complicated set piece, or how to speak publicly to his class in any meaningful way.
You’ll be pleased to hear that, as with similar projects, my wife and I took on the bulk of the effort. I don’t know about you, but I certainly trust my first grader with scissors sharp enough to cut through the cardboard shoe box that you recommended, and the hot glue gun that we had to purchase as the only way to make the bits and pieces stick up. Regular white glue, or Scotch tape being wholly inadequate for the job.
In the future, it would be great if you’d outline for parents the inevitable meltdown that students are certain to share with their families when their project appears on the point of utter failure. After all, hours and hours laboring over such a tiny display that will be lovingly tossed into the garbage shortly after it is returned is exactly the kind of lesson our children need to learn.
One point, however. We would appreciate a little more honesty in future assignments of this nature. Instead of claiming that this effort is meant for the student, please indicate clearly that these projects are entirely the responsibility of the parents. Taking the effort completely out of the student’s hands and putting it where it will ultimately belong anyhow will save time and frustration for all involved.
Thank you again for this assignment. I enjoyed spending hours of my time after a long day of work, and in between extra-curricular activities to try to meet your deadline.
A Loving Parent
P.S. – I apologize for the diorama arriving broken. My student was unaware that he shouldn’t touch it—Lego Movie be damned!